If you are reading this and don't know me AND haven't read my story, know that I've had self esteem issues for as long as I can remember. I've also thought I was overweight for as long as I can remember....which looking back, in high school I really wasn't....but at that point in my life I spent every day comparing myself to the girls I was growing up with and magazine covers.
So, as you can imagine, spending the better part of 25 years worried about being "fat" has been exhausting. I really did gain too much weight in my first year of college. I think mine ended up being the freshman 20 or 30. I enjoyed partying and pizza....a lot. I did a ton of late night eating and a ton of drive-thru eating. I'd never had a healthy relationship with food and once I was on my own, I really had no limits or boundaries...but the guilt only got worse. There was no longer a reason to hide food because no one was really watching me. So, the internal struggle only worsened.
Over the next ten years, my weight yo-yo'd back & forth. I was down to almost 140 after meeting my husband Daryn and then I moved to his hometown. There was something else that happened then and I'm not quite ready to talk about it on here but it turned my world upside down. The weight slowly crept back over the next several years....then I got it off....then it crept back on again until I eventually hit 199. That number hit me hard and I wanted to do whatever I could to not gain even 1 more lb. AND......then I got pregnant! I've already talked about this on here but I got up to 217. I did lose that fairly soon after I had Brooklyn. (Daryn says I can't really count that in my overall weight loss total but sometimes I think I should be able to because there was a pretty good potential for me not losing that baby weight.)
I did lose it though and proceeded to lose another 15 lbs or so...over the next THREE years. Yes, I took the whole losing weight slowly thing very seriously. I had gotten into running and working out but my nutrition was nowhere near on par. And, for most of those three years, I was only getting cardio in. I really started to notice changes when I added in strength. I should say I really started to notice changes in my size because the scale still wasn't really moving.
This brings me to when I met my coach Val after Zumba one Saturday in October last year. I did know who she was but I had no idea she was a Team Beachbody Coach. We got to talking that day and I just couldn't help but be drawn to her. She had such a passion for helping people and for health & fitness. And, although I had taken a lot of strides by getting into regular exercise and then becoming a Zumba instructor, I still didn't quite have things figured out. I was still missing something. I was trying to help other people in Biggest Loser groups I had been running, I was working out for hours a week, and I was learning more about clean eating but I really still wasn't completely focusing on myself.
I had been looking into coaching for almost a year at this point. I had dreams of becoming a personal trainer on the side and learning more about nutrition but I had researched and found the certifications to be expensive and they needed to be renewed and then I had a slight problem with gym access for any potential clients. There just aren't options where I live and if I was only going to do this part-time, it just wasn't feasible with a full-time job and a toddler. So, I decided to sign up to coach instead! It was free to sign up and the monthly fee was less than $20. I knew worse-case scenario, I would benefit from the discount on Shakeology and fitness programs and best-case I could maybe help people lose weight, try a new workout program or just feel better.
But, after I signed up, I pretty much freaked out. I was watching other coaches on social media and my feelings of insecurity came flooding back. I looked NOTHING like a lot of these coaches. I was finding coach after coach who was already a transformation story and looked amazing. It paralyzed me. Not only was I not sure how to even START coaching, I didn't feel like anyone would want to join me....after all, I wasn't a transformation story....I was still struggling with food issues....I was someone who had drinks pretty much every week...and I although I don't think I'm shy (a lot of people do), I would MUCH rather listen to someone than to talk about myself.
So, what did I do? I finally decided I'd had enough sitting on the sidelines. Towards the end of November, I started to put myself out there. I know some get annoyed with my...what may seem like incessant...posts about Beachbody or motivational sayings but I just decided that for a lot of what I see come across my newsfeed, a post about focusing on the positive or that a great fitness program is on sale can't possibly be the worst things anyone could see. And, I knew that if I was going to be truly successful and finally get to my goal and be a successful coach, I had to do it.
And, now, going on 7 months later, being a coach and putting myself out there have become two of the best decisions I've ever made. I've had people willing to join me because they could relate to my struggles. I've had people join me because they want to try a program that I've already tried. I've had people message me to say they have loved my vulnerability in my blog posts. I still have a lot to learn as a coach and blogger and in how to help people when they each have very different needs but I have a passion every day to do just that. Not everyone I'm working with needs to lose weight. Not everyone likes the challenge group aspect. And, not everyone is 100% ready right away. But, I love helping in any way I can to find out how to best reach people and I love working 1-on-1. I'm not a fitness or nutrition expert but I've done a ton of research and if I don't have an answer for someone I will find it.
My social media antics, blogging & coaching have resulted in a tremendous amount of accountability, motivation & support for me....from not only my team of coaches but from my clients. I'm inspired every day by a client saying they lost 10 lbs or are down a size after only 30 days. I'm motivated by those reaching out to me to say they enjoy reading my blog. And, I feel beyond supported by my team of coaches who will out of the blue send me a message if only to ask how I'm doing. I've met some pretty amazing people, and I've gotten to know or reconnect with people I grew up with. I could talk about Beachbody and coaching 24/7, so being able to blog and throw stuff out there have really allowed my friends & family take a break from listening to me.
This opportunity has already grown into so much more than I expected in the beginning. I'm a work in progress. I will never be perfect. I have workout ADD. I still struggle with food every day. And, as one of my coaches has said, "not everything is rainbows & butterflies" with this. But, what I'm gaining far outweighs the negatives or any reasons or excuses I had when I was holding myself back.
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